Five Essential and Messy Ingredients You’re Leaving Out of Your Family’s Photos

I know the talks that happen in the car on the way to the first photoshoot your family has had in years, with so much pressure to have a well-behaved crew for just an hour. “No whining. No fighting. Don’t touch anything.” And please let us just have one good picture of us together as a family.

But here’s the impossible truth: the best family photos come from all the things we’ve been told to avoid.

It’s why I’ve built my approach to family documentary photography around capturing what actually happens when families are living unposed and unscripted.

I’ve protected my camera from bugs, dirt, water balloons, and - in one case - fistfuls of peanut butter. I love these parts of shoots and these are some of my favorite photos.

I don’t flinch from these moments - I lean in.

Not only have I found that these taboos are acceptable when documenting memories, they are in fact the secret sauce of family photos.

Tension

Sibling kicks under the table, “that’s not fair, why does she get to eat it?”, the-favorite-blue-cup-is-still-blue-tantrums — these moments are alive. It is instantly a core piece of storytelling - of action and reaction - that can be captured in a single frame. Conflict is not just conflict - as a photographer I see care, I see a fierceness for fairness, I see growth, I see connection happening.

You’ll have those moments too. When someone (everyone?) is cranky, tired, and- wait, why are you wet?

But for one photo session, don’t worry about hiding it.

That’s your story showing up. And if we try to sweep these under the rug or just skip the photos all together, you will miss it.

You will miss dad scooping up the meltdown, the almost unconscious arm around a sibling, the gentle swipe of a tear off a little chin, the contented sigh when they realize they are safe. The things that happen a million times in your life but make for once in a lifetime photos.

Mischief

That haunting moment when you realize the house has been a little too quiet for a little too long, and either someone has stashed all of the yellow things they can reach under the couch, or maybe they’ve eaten your freshly baked cake out of the pan with their hands. The moments kind of suck sometimes.

But did you know that disasters make for kinetic, big as life photos?

Chaos is gold. Chaos is energy and authenticity and often uncontainable fun that just can’t be captured by asking you to smile.

The discomfort that will inevitably live next to the perfect parts, all mixed up and tangled, is part of what makes us stories and not just dots on a timeline.

That is the uniqueness that shines in photography that is about seeing you, instead of fixing or correcting you.

Freedom

Freedom isn’t about chaos for the sake of it. It’s about dropping the performance.

The stakes are the same whether you’re doing a documentary session or a posed one — you still want photos that matter, that feel like your family, that you’ll actually want to keep. The difference is in how you get there.

When you’re not micromanaging every little thing — the hair, the faces, the moods, the faded Grinch toy your kid insists on carrying with him wherever he goes — something happens. You all start to breathe. And in that breathing room, the joy bubbles up.

Not the polished, social-media-worthy version of your family, but the weird, wild, introspective, brilliant people you live with. The kid who spends half the session upside down. The toddler who insists on being pantsless. The dad who has mastered peace keeping when no one wants him to.

That’s it. That’s legacy. That’s what gets remembered.

Your job is to be present with your people. My job is to document it so you don’t have to miss a thing.

Honesty

Let’s be clear — memories don’t care about your matching outfits or your curated walls. Nor do they care about the lack of.

The favorite sweater that’s getting a little (lot) too small, the one-day garden that’s mostly a mud pit, the homemade haircut that lives in family lore — these are the threads that weave your story together.

A good portrait moves through beauty and lands in recognition. In belonging. In the kind of memory that changes shape as you do, because it carries more than what happened — it carries how it felt.

Not the cleaned-up version. Not the caption you wrote later. The real one.

Memories aren’t made of facts. They’re made of meaning.

You didn’t just teach her to skateboard. You held her hand while she wobbled, the same way you did when she learned to walk. And one day you won’t remember the date she learned or what shoes she wore, but you’ll remember the way her small hand gripped yours when she was still finding her balance.

That’s why these pictures matter. That’s why we print them, hang them, pass them down.

And for now, it’s a daily reminder to ourselves kids that we will always value them, just as they are.

Simplicity

Documentary photography is not just about the messy, but also the overlooked. I never pass on little detail shots like hands squeezing shoulders, games made in boredom, and muddy boots left by the back door.

Most families feel a quiet, anxious pressure to seem just a little more interesting, a little more respectable, a little more photo-worthy. Whether it’s new clothes or a backdrop that isn’t landlord-white walls - hey, I understand the pressure and the guilt that weighs us down.

But I’ve also been lucky enough to see what happens when those expectations melt away.

Your family is already good enough. The photos we take together will prove it. Not by making you look “your best” — but by showing you how beautiful it is to be seen, exactly as you are.

So yes — there might be bugs. And tantrums. And cake theft.

And when you look at those photos years from now, you’ll see the fullness of the mess. You’ll remember how it all felt, and you’ll appreciate everything you didn’t know you couldn’t appreciate in the moment.

That is the privilege of being able to do family documentary photography, wildness and all.

This isn’t about perfect pictures. It’s about honest, kinetic, legacy-making images that show your family exactly as they are. If you’re craving photos you’ll love now and forever — this is for you.

If that sounds like your kind of session, reach out — let’s let your story unfold without flinching.